And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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