I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My breasts were aching with rage.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
