i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
