There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
