dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
