i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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