Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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