TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
