her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
