Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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