I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
