Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
