Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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