I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
