i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Terrible idea I love it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
