I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
porn star boner night. come get it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
