I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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