he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dicks are not precious.
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