I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
