Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
