giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
