She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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