I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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