Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
