he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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