Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
