respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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