The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
