We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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