oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
