loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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