I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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