my phone needs a breathalizer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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