HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
