i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
