Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
