Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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