apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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