I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
