I puked a lego.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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