i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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