I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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