i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
