There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
