shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
