I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
