How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
