I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
