Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
