I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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