Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how do flat chested girls get laid?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
