Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
