if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
