I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
