Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
