Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
