I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
