when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
