im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
