I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
