Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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