You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
