I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
