I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
