I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
