those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
