you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
