I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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