My pussy is not your playground.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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