honey bunches of taint.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
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I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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