eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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